


Working From Home

by quiet__tiger



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Drama, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 07:40:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10849485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet__tiger/pseuds/quiet__tiger
Summary: Joker and Harley bring their work home for a night.





	Working From Home

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: "Veteran."
> 
> Originally posted to Livejournal 10th-Nov-2011.

“No, no, no, that doesn’t work that way. Trust me, I’ve been doing this a long time.”

Joker watched as Harley stared at the hostage. No matter how many times he tried to explain proper terror, she just didn’t quite get it. She was too… Perky. And she looked sad far too often when the hostages started to cry and snivel all over themselves.

“Look them _right_ in the eye, don’t be evasive. You need to ensure they _understand_ that you _mean_ it when you tell them you’re going to gouge out their eyes or carve your name in their forehead.”

“But Mistah J—”

“Don’t Mister J me. You know I’m right.”

Harley shrugged in what he assumed she thought was a cute manner. “I suppose so. You have done this before.”

“Many, many times, dear Harley.” It had gotten beyond the point where Joker could keep count. He was also starting to lose the ability to remember each one. Not that he’d been great at that in the first place, but between those hostages who’d gotten away, those he’d killed outright, those he’d left to starve, those he’d let free, and those rescued by Batman, they tended to blend together.

That was less true for the ones rescued by Batman. He loved seeing the Dark Knight, but hated that it meant his toy was being taken away by _him_.

“So, you kidnapped this one on his way home from school.”

“Yup. Pretended to be the old lady who needed help crossing the street. Gets ‘em every time. The _good_ boys anyway. The rotten ones are more deserving of being taken, but they can be so hard to _reach_.”

“And you tied him to the special chair.”

“Extra handcuffs, too.”

Joker loved his special chair, because it was bolted to the floor in the middle of the room. Each of his hideouts had one; all the better to play with his toys.

“And then what?”

“And then… Well. I was hoping I could have you help me. You’re so much better at this part.”

Frowning, Joker eyed the hostage, a middle school boy with brown hair and brown eyes. Harley really needed to learn on her own. “It’s up to _you_. That’s the whole point—instead of causing mayhem on the cold, wet streets of Gotham, we bring the game back to _us_. You can do _whatever_ you want to him.”

After more long seconds of staring, Harley caught her middle finger with her thumb, and then flicked the boy in the forehead.

“Try harder, Harley. This is important.”

Joker had to know that Harley was _with_ him, and being _with_ him meant being able to do anything to people that he wanted. If he needed Harley to brain someone with a baseball bat, she had to do it. If she needed to gas someone, she had to be able to do it. It was best to _do things_ to people by herself, so that he wouldn’t have to coddle her as much. He needed her to be _useful_.

“But he’s kind of cute. Can’t we keep him?”

“He’d eat us out of house and home. We have Bud and Lou for that.”

“I do love my babies.”

“Focus. Why don’t you give him a haircut?”

“With what?”

Joker rummaged through the crate on the floor and came back up with a sternal saw. “See how close you can get to his skull without cutting into it.”

He handed the tool to Harley, and her eyes widened. Then she swallowed, and Joker knew what was coming next.

“I don’t think I can do this, Puddin’. I mean, he’s just sittin’ there, peein’ in his pants and looking so scared…”

There was a reason Joker usually saved hostages for when Harley was in Arkham or otherwise not around. She just didn’t see the _fun_ in bringing the work home.

“Fine. Step back and watch the master.” He snatched the saw away from her and made sure it was powered up, and then gave the boy a haircut with it himself.

He only nicked the kid a few times.

And getting rid of the hair would make playing with the jigsaw that much more fun.

Working from home really could be a good time, and a break from all the monotony of his usual work. Even for him, it did get _boring_ after a while, day in and day out.

He looked forward to the day Harley wasn’t such a wet blanket.


End file.
